January 29, 2013

  • It is incredibly hard to do anything with this cat. She is always hanging around. And now she is purring and staring at my computer I am trying to write a blog entry thank you! I remember how Maddie used to always talk about dogs like she was trying to shove shit in my face about how great it was to love a dog or something. She was like a living breathing version of "Dog Shaming" and boy was it annoying. Nobody trains their dogs and every time I meet one and I get excited and love the thing and then there are like so many deal-breakers.
    Elyse's deal breakers for dogs:
    -Why are you not trained stop jumping on me, barking constantly, freaking out over nothing, shitting on the floor, staring at me like the most pathetic goddamn piece of shit while I'm eating, stealing my food, eating the trash, shitting on the floor and then eating it, barfing on everything that I love, biting children-the list goes on and on
    -Christ almighty there is hair everywhere and slobbery stuff on my fingers
    -Why would you pretend like you love me when you don't even know me? It's degrading.

    My dream dog:
    I totally want like a Shiba Inu or a Bernese Mountain Dog and I would train the fuck out of that dog. It would know my habits and appreciate me and be silent and intelligent and fucking not trust anybody just like I do and attack people when I tell it to. I would not tolerate animalistic poor behavior. I do not want the experience of having a dog to be like giving birth to a baby. I want it to be like having a partner.

    Anyway this is a pointless entry that will probably just make people hate me.
    Just like everything else!!!