men are haughty and strong
like horses
they try to have feelings
but it is mere sugar substitute

all that bullshit makes me giggle
I've seen all sorts of nonsense
fake tears
fake attacks
fake smiles
"I love you" written on a text message over and over again

Its like coughing up blood

Oh, what fell out of your pocket?
a little box of matches.
He had promised to quit smoking-
something I hadn't even asked in the first place.

So I smoke one now in the late evening. So lazy, didn't stretch out my legs all day.
I'll go out today, the city is beautiful.
I love writing because I can be alone and sometimes I feel like the only person who could write that and mean it honestly.

I feel like sneaking out tonight and having sex

I hate nights like this

Why am I never calm?

I could be going off on all these adventures right now and I'm just sitting at home.
I don't really know where I could go and what I could do here...
Being home is not an exciting thing for me.

I miss living alone. I love waking up and stretching and undressing and listening to NPR and cleaning my room.
I love sneaking over to my neighbors late at night and dancing around with plans and homework and work schedules and trips to Chicago. Here I'm stuck with family and its lovely...but

This is the last time I plan to live at home in my life, I think.
I'm moving out officially sometime in August after I get back from Japan...gonna take my bed and everything and sticking around as long as I please. Gonna learn to be my own cat.

I love cleaning out my room and getting rid of stuff-like everything that will make it easier to move from place to place. The only things that are sticking with me for long term is my books and my clothes. I'm downloading moliere so I can make zach watch it with me and I'm just messing around on the computer.

I've been here for so long this place just makes me restless for life.
God, I feel like the luckiest cat on the planet.