I woke up and I can't sleep. I feel like a yellow lilly livered coward. Like cmon girl host yourself up by your bootstraps and crawl forward. It's not that hard to move on in a life. Who is stunting you? It's you right? No other explanation. It's easier to just not live and not love and let the world crumble around you while you remain a stone. It's so much easier. There were droplets of snow today flaking off of the sky. I got up very late in the afternoon merely to get a selfish haircut. The woman who cut my hair told me stories about her sisters and her trip to colorado. I'm so glad she cut my hair. So glad to get it done. I don't feel like a scraggle puss no more. Walking into the gray, watching the cloud dandruff flake off. There's Nothing like going to a warm bar when it's just starting to get cold. You wonder if the bar is warm because it is filled with bodies. The same goes for the mystery...every time I lie down in my bed it is unusually warm. Perhaps because I always go to sleep drunk. I've been drinking far too much these past two weeks. Like Elyse get it together. Quit this cowardly shit.

My teeth are gross little squares of yellow and I can smell my rotting breath and my cat is howling howling howling "ELYSE PAY ATTENTION TO ME" but really honestly honestly I had to stay in bed because I am forcing myself to do it and forcing myself to enjoy myself and enjoy the pay off.
What do I mean by that? I mean, I worked my ass off yesterday and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I took time out of every other event in my life. I put the kaboodle on. I did NOT go to class today, and that is one of several responsibilities that I'm willing to forgo for the sake of this piece I'm working on. I mean, I'm just totally all there.
I called the person at the buzz to schedule a haircut for today because I just can't stand it anymore. I am so sick of suffering with a bad haircut when I love the texture of my bleached hair. It really is a wonderful thing-hair bleaching. I mean that is a wonderful thing for white people. White people have been using the trend of natural flowing long hair forever when its like-they strictly are the people that have it. And ya know, it's really good to have a trend that isn't so restrictive. The ONLY Thing I'm not okay with is Lena Dunham. Like, 6 months after I bleached the shit outta my hair and she's crawling around with bleached fucking hair now like shit. I can't stand that woman and hating her has become a ripe strawberry treat. There is nothing more fun than watching her trip all over herself. Even the Christians are calling her out, and in a way that fucking liberals are siding with them. You really can't get any worse than that, can you, being called out by the God Church people. And in a proper way!
Her sister is supposedly laughing at the whole thing to, which seriously makes me sick inside. I had a thing for her sister and now i feel it waning. It would be SO much sexier if [her sister] was like "fuck lena dunham yeah she did sexually harass me and out me against my will" it would be SO much sexier. I have no problem calling my sisters out they ain't no fucking saints. They're my fucking sisters. What is she going to do to you if you call her out? Leave you? She's your own flesh and blood. Jesus christ.