June 22, 2013

  •  So what I did today
    I did a job interview.....I was so hungover from the night before. I went on a walk after much convincing of myself. I went first to HAMBURG and I ordered spinach benedict eggs and a giant plate of fries and I couldn't do it.....I couldn't finish it too many calories in my heart? Nevertheless the hunger before was quickly qualmed and I was forced to face the face of so much re-poured coffee too much coffee she refilled it before I could drink a cup-stating some kind of fact about how the warmth goes away and to be honest I just wanted that fulfilling feeling of drinking an entire cup. I didn't get it. My stomach fluctuated to a different state. I became her hamster. I left and went for a walk. Walked long and through gnats, through a sweet looking band, through a river. I walked places and I saw people in exercise clothes and me in just headphones or whatever. I decided to come back to the mill and they said...we'll play game 7 for you. OKaY! I stayed and I talked to a mustached man. We talked about boring things we were too shy somebody was nervous there. I met up with a man who had worked in parking and RECOgNIZED me. On top of that, he had just won a hockey game so he was feeling good. I met a black man who I thought was gay because of cultural reasons, lots of money, a good haircut but he had a girlfriend. She was worried, anxious, she was scared. Don't leave the light on baby. I saw my EX walk through and he was so happy, in such a good mood with his gal and his pals and once I was the one there. They walked to see Cursive and I never saw them again. I was having a good time, had a shot bought for me and I walked on. Me and the two guys S(minus girlfriend) drove away towards a bonfire. Parking guy had coke and stories to TELL. He talked to me, I told the girls I met at the bonfire while dogs chased in circles, four dogs, in perfect circles, and the fire is crackling and screaming heat in my face while the moon is clouded and lightning strikes every few minutes. I can hear thunder afterwards so I know it's real. This parking guy is offering me a job. I don't push so he doesn't. He gives me more coke, in privacy. Takes me to the foxhead where I run into a guy I've met before who for some reason I give my number. I have it in my phone. He is in a band I saw in Austin. But he's from here. I buy my friend a drink. I leave for my apartment SO FUCKED UP I CAN BARELY MOVE. He watches me stumble away I insist it's alright. He thanks me for listening to his stories. I am on my game. I get to my place and throw up on my floor like  a DOG. I can't help it I go to sleep in a heavy state. I wake up and I have to go to a job interview. This is difficult. I am so wasted I drink and smell and taste like alcohol but I'm sure it's the coke that's brought me to my knees. In the meantime, Paul's girlfriend and him have broken up and I am now marriage counselor she asked me again and again what to do while I screamed at my heart to be strong. I needed it. I crawled to the interview and it lasted I tell you...it lasted an hour. I tried my best to captivate and to prove I'm there for this and that I'm the one. I did everything and then I left to starbucks to celebrate with a drink and the gal at the counter knew STL and had lived STL and we looked in each other's eyes for a minute. I went to a reading and I had that moment where I felt furious. NOT at society like I should've, but at the man I was fucking. I knew he was just a scarecrow and that he had no meaning. He was tearing me apart. So I took his clothes and packed em in a bag and thrust them at his door. and I went to the foxhead for a drink. Met a young man named scott and told him I'd get a tattoo by home. Met AGAIN marty and this millionaire professor. We talked about boxing he bought me a drink, marty and I talked about life things and it turns out millionaire prof stayed in Iowa because he found his true love and that he was just a man floating. I am not scared or swayed by millions of dollars. we had a great time talking about boxing and he bought me a drink I had many drinks bought for me. I am sitting here now typing this I will kiss again. Good night.