February 15, 2013

  • I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm usually more in touch with the world and I've lost it. I feel like a lone wanderer again. I really don't think I've learned anything since I was in the 3rd grade and I had a crush on a boy and he didn't give a shit about me. Then there was a brief period of time where I kind of got the message that people were falling in love with me. Then suddenly I had it dragged from me and I was taught that I was a bitch with broken legs to life. I wish that things had gone differently, but now that they are like they are, how should I react? Does the pain I was dragged through mean that life is going to be better soon? I had a few brief hints at my future tonight. They were subtle and not so subtle. And at the same time, I was dipped like a piece of soft white bread into oil. I was unexpectedly dipped into my past. I hate it. I struggle and I squirm. I am a coward. With so much fear in my heart and my head sometimes I wonder how I can go on. I feel like it has come to a point where I truly test people. There are people who were in my past that I have discovered to be true friends. And there are people I've had to cut off. Things keep going around in circles and I feel no closer to God.