January 15, 2013

  • what does he want. He wants nothing, he has everything that he wants. leaving me with nothing. I have nothing at all. I have a dead-end job and a dead-end novel with a broken heart that has pieces disintegrating in water. I have hives. and a terrible haircut. Meanwhile he has everything in the whole wide world. I won't ever get anything because I am pathetic, in love, pathetic, pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic. disgusting, frail human. bad person. I am back at the fucking start. I'm in an old city. Fuck. I'm like the opposite of a grownup, mooching off of comfort. I hate myself. I am so disgusted with myself. I could've just stayed in denver, pretended nothing had ever happened, continued to sleep with a 21 year old and continue to lose track of my stupid stupid stupid dreams. I don't amount to anything as a human. I am a worthless piece of junk. I didn't learn anything or create anything. I am bad.