January 15, 2013

  • I can't shake the idea that so many of the things that have happened to me have been done as punishments to myself. I feel like maybe the reason Kyle screamed at me on the phone was because I deserved it and the nights when he made me stay in...He saw me at all my worst moments and he was so proud, so proud like I was something that he caught and owned and could tell what to do whenever he wanted. I'm just some goddamn horse that people beat with whips because when I get up and gallop around it isn't fair so they have to harrison bergeron me to death. That's what he was doing that night I can just smell it. He said, look at this little girl I need to put her in her place! And he did congratulations! And it keeps going on and on and on and on and on and on with every single new one. I have to feel inferior they have to put me in my place so that I can learn to wallow in shit because I've clearly never wallowed in shit before with my clear skin and my bright eyes. I have never been through ugly parts of life or hell so make me taste it you fucking bastards. That's what you think you goddamn dipshits. You have hollow carved in bones for eyes.